Food and Motherhood

So, I used to really enjoy eating. I grew up in a culture where food was an important relational tool; we ate dinner together most every night. My mom is an amazing cook with a knack for menu choice. I still love going home to her meals. I remember cooking with her in the kitchen every once in a while growing up (I was mostly outside playing with my brothers :)) and listening to her tell me tips I use today when cooking.

So, we have the fabulous dinners my mother would make, but then there's coffee time. My dad calls it "trinken"; I'm not sure if that's German or not, but it sounds German to me. Coffee trinken is our afternoon treat that developed in our family far before I enjoyed it I'm sure. My dad would go to Lubby's cafeteria in Las Cruces to grade papers after school, and occasionally I got to join him for a cinnamon roll and red pen. So dad has been doing this coffee trinken forever, and it is now a staple meal for our family. It is important, and when we are all home together, we observe it.

I developed my own coffee time as a single and became addicted to coffee and a treat in the afternoon, but when I got pregnant I developed a serious aversion to coffee. Oh well, that was ok because I really didn't want sweets or coffee in my nauseous state. I had the baby; oh good! Now I can enjoy coffee. No. Caffeiene does a serious number to my milk supply, which is already low. Ok, maybe decaf? Nope, I can't have any caffeienated beverages. Alright, I can sacrafice and maybe have some herbal tea, but the whole point of my telling this story is that in this particular season of my life I don't have time to enjoy eating the way I once did. I used to love to prepare meals and sit down for my afternoon treat and read a little, but now our schedule doesn't allow for such frivolities. The time will come back around when I can sit down at the table and enjoy some coffee again, but right now I am slave to a different schedule, but not begrudgingly. I love Daniel so much and I can say that it is completely worth it, but this is just another example of how my expectations of being a mom were not accurate. How could they be, anyway?

Then there are those momemts where eating is just a task; I am so tired that I don't want to eat, but my body says I must. I never thought I would view eating as a chore to be done and not really want to do it....

Daniel is Two Months Old!

Daniel first smiled on February 12th, and since then, the smiles have gotten more frequent and easier to come by. You still have to catch him after he's eaten and before he gets too sleepy, but it is so fun to see him interact like this! He just gets cuter everyday.

This is an outfit that grandma Sheehan sent for Valentine's Day.

I see a striking resemblance!

Daniel can focus on blankets with big print and toys now, but we are still working on him grabbing an object. He does bat at his rings and is making a concerted effort to play with things. It is amazing to watch him learn new things!

Daniel's First Month

I must admit, Daniel didn't interact much during his first month. He slept and then ate, and then we had a few minutes of alert and quiet time. When he started to get fussy we knew it was time for a nap. As the month went on, he became so much more alert, though, and his times of "play" were longer. He hasn't focused in on a toy yet, but he definitely recognizes Cory and I and is making eye contact and following us, as well as imitating Cory sticking his tongue out!! He did develop some baby acne, but it seems to be improving. We love our beautiful little one, and we are still trying to figure out who he looks like. I think it's probably a combination... :)

Daniel is nine days old in this photo. This was the first time he was quiet and alert in his papasan chair!

Grandma Lutterman and baby Daniel.

Before Daniel...

I had been told by many that I needed to make the fall and winter prior to Daniel's arrival productive because after he came I wouldn't be getting anything done. So, I was challenged by my husband to finish the curtains for the living room; I bought the material for this project quite a while ago but I couldn't muster the courage to try to measure and sew it, no matter how simple this could be. Because he challenged me, and because my mother came and visited us in November, I was successful in hanging the curtains! This was a small triumph, but one nonetheless, because my pregnancy was hallmarked by fatigue and nausea and that equalled less than productive days off.

I am a person who thrives on order and "productivity", although I have been evaluating what this means for years. Do my definition and God's definition of productivity match? It was easy to feel productive when I was in college: I had measurable goals and I accomplished them. It was fairly easy to feel productive when I was single and a nurse: I bought a house and had fun roommates, I became competent at my job, and I was involved in Terra Nova and was growing in the Lord. I met and married Cory, and that year felt a little less productive in certain ways, but I knew it was our season. Our first year of marriage totally rocked my boat. Emotionally I was a rollercoaster before I got pregnant. Romance was different in marriage, and Cory and I encountered some very difficult circumstances in our first six months of wedded bliss. I got pregnant three months after we got married, so my crazy emotions didn't improve any adding constant fatigue and nausea to the mix. Wah, wah; I am not trying to create a sob story for you, I am just remembering how things changed dramatically one year ago.

So, Cory and I worked through our first year. With Jesus at the healm, I can look ahead with incredible hope. He has never left us, and has always had His strong hand upon both of our lives. We are in Him, and now we are looking forward with great joy to see how He will have us serve Him.

I used to journal at work on a fairly regular basis, and I had 175 entries saved in our work email in a folder called "journal". Well, unbeknownst to me, IT reconfigured our email and the new layout didn't have a journal tab. I got concerned and called them, to receive bad news. My 5 years of journaling was gone. I worked day/night rotating schedule for the first 4 years on Labor and Delivery, and many of those entries were penned on my long, slow nights. It is very sad for me to think about all the content that is gone; I poured out my heart on those pages. I feel like God is telling me to let go of the pain that those pages held. I went through a rotten dating relationship, a challenging dating/engagement season, and a rocky first year of marriage through those years. Maybe God is telling me to let go of that season and look ahead to new things. I have hope, maybe I need to focus on what's ahead.

Daniel's Arrival

Here are a few shots of the moments and hours after Daniel's arrival.

He was born @ 6:06 am on January 2nd, 2010. Weighing in @ 7#30z, he was a little smaller than I thought he would be!

My dad was in town to await our little one's arrival, and he was here for four days before I finally went into labor. I thought we might not make it as my contractions stayed mild for 2 days before actual labor. Praise God that he did get to meet Daniel.

Daniel's First Bath

This was Daniel's first bath; he was four days old.

He doesn't enjoy being uncovered very well; even now he dislikes having his diaper changed.

Grandma was here to help, and stayed for a week to help Cory and I adjust to having a newborn in the house.

Grandma got Daniel a blue bathtub to use in the sink or in the big bathtub. He is suspended on a mesh hammock over the water and has grown to like it!

Waiting for Daniel

Here is photographic documentation of my first pregnancy. Pretty amazing how little Daniel grew! 16 weeks pregnant in Okoboji.

First intentional belly bump documentation - 18 weeks

23 weeks

Cory and I went to Vala's Pumpkin Patch two times this year. Vala's is an amazing farm that boasts lamas and a camel along with so many fun farm activities for young and old alike. Our favorite part is the adult trikes :).

30 weeks

Cory and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary early this year. My due date and our anniversary date were two days apart! We went to Georgetown, CO, and stayed at a gorgeous bed and breakfast and had a fabulous time. Who'd of thunk it... Georgetown, Colorado as an anniversary destination!

32 weeks

37 weeks

This is Christmas morning, and the last photo of my pregnant belly.

I thought I knew all about labor, but I was wrong! I thought I would labor like my mom, but I was wrong... :( All in all, Daniel came out healthy and strong, and I am not in labor anymore. It was about a 26 hour process, not counting the two days of contractions before, but I can look back on the process with fondness. I look back and see my wonderful husband and how he stayed with me, my wonderful midwife, Heather, and how she helped me through without an epidural, and the fact that my parents were in town and my dad got to meet Daniel before he headed back up to Alaska. Thank You, Jesus!