With the coming of fall, I find myself introspective and homesick. Sometimes I just want to bake the most perfect pastry that will take me to a place of wonder and comfort, satisfying my desire to feel "home." I don't exactly know why I associate baked goods and coffee with my longing for home, but I have noticed that this is a common trend lately.
Dave and Megan gave Cory and I this great book last Christmas, Prodigal God. I finally got through it (it takes me a little while :)), and the last chapter was revelatory for me. I must admit the whole book was revelatory, but I was particularly taken with the last chapter. It described the feeling one gets when Christmas is coming and you imagine hot chocolate by the fire, or a sleigh taking you and your loved ones to a cottage in the glen for Christmas carols. It is the longing to go back to your favorite childhood spot and feel those same lovely feelings of satisfaction. I couldn't put into words this longing that I had so many days; I fancied myself discontent with my life or this world. I know that I am, and in one sense it's appropriate, for this is not my home. My longing is one in which I must wait for satiation. It is a longing for my new home, my home in the kingdom of God, my ultimate rest. I won't find rest here. I look for it in such lowly places. A baked good? How can that compare to the satisfaction of knowing and dwelling with God? I know it sounds silly, but it's my association right now and I need to retrain my thinking.
I am going through changes regarding my fellowship with the Lord; I must mature. When I was younger, the feelings came easy. It's as though I could just think of my Teen Mania trips and all was well between me and God; it felt good. I must go on from the milk, becoming mature in the Lord. My hearts cry is to know the Word and God's plans, not just what I've learned and thought to be true because of tradition, but the real truth. My plan is to study the Word. Where else could I venture to find truth? I started a study, and in the 2nd chapter, I created a time line on five sheets of computer paper taped together. I am really excited to fill it in over the next months. I have asked for a seeking heart, like that of Moses, and I trust God to grow that in me as I am faithful to pursue Him.
I think of my family near and far, and I am so glad to have you. I love everyone who might read this blog.
